Dumpling War
by NinjaJay4526
Summary: In which four friends go out on a double date to have a lunch at a Chinese restaurant… What starts off as a nice meal quickly turns into a full fledged battle of honor and dumplings. Percabeth and Jasper oneshot.


It never occurred to Percy that _this_ would be his downfall. He never expected it to end like this. He had, after all, saved the world multiple times, got a girlfriend, survived Tartarus, and managed to keep himself alive through it all. But this— this was a challenge that even Percy couldn't handle; he just wasn't the hero everyone thought him to be.

* * *

"Hey, do guys think I should order a wonton soup to start?" Annabeth asked, looking up at her friends over the top of her menu.

"Yeah, I was thinking about getting some egg drop soup," Piper exclaimed, placing her plastic menu back on the wooden table.

Percy, Annabeth, Piper, and Jason were out to lunch at one of Percy's favorite Chinese food places in the city, _Ollie's_. They had just seen the new movie _Frozen_, and were all starving after the long, but hilarious film. Percy and Annabeth sat together on one side of the booth with Piper and Jason siting across from them. Percy had a lazy arm slung over Annabeth's shoulder, his hand tugging gently at her golden curls. Piper and Jason sat hand in hand, their tangle of fingers on display on the top of the table.

"I'm just saying guys, I'm going to be ordering a lot of dumplings. Ollie's has, like, the best in Manhattan," Percy announced to the table. "You can have some if you want, but I'm not to keen about sharing my food…especially my dumplings." He removed his arm from around Annabeth and picked up a set of chopsticks. Sliding them out of their paper sheath, he split them in half with a satisfying _crack_.

"Yeah I was gonna order a lot of dumplings too. Probably like two or three different kinds. I don't know where to start!" Jason joked.

Percy eyed him suspiciously from across the table. He put his arm back over Annabeth and pulled her protectively close. "Yeah, well I'm probably going to get _four_ plates since, you know, I love them so much."

"You know I _am_ really hungry…I think it was Olaf's nose. You know, the carrot and all. Five plates," Jason shot back.

Annabeth warily eyed Piper from across the table. "Oh here we go," she said, both of them rolling their eyes in response to their boyfriends' stupid behavior. Annabeth scanned the restaurant for the waiter who brought them to their table. "Where'd he go…"  
Percy and Jason were glaring at each other.

"Hello, my name is Zack and I'll be your waiter today." A young looking Asian man stepped in front of the table smiling timidly. He looked no older than seventeen and wore a pea green apron around his waist. He had straight black hair, which was fashionably slicked back with _way_ too much gel. A forehead of bright red pimples stood out against his tan skin. As the young and obviously inexperienced waiter went to pull out his notepad and pen, his hand knocked over all the chopsticks and straws inside his apron to the floor. "Oh, I'm so sorry-" he cried nervously, squatting to the ground as fast as he could to clean up the mess. It only resulted in slamming his elbow into the table, tipping Piper's water glass right over the top of his head. Annabeth and Piper jumped up to help the poor boy, but Jason and Percy barely glanced over to see what was going on.

"Here let us help you," Piper said, trying not to laugh. She offered him a perfectly manicured hand.

Poor Zack stood up slowly in utter embarrassment. His cheeks were shinning bright red, along with the tips of his ears. His once perfectly styled hair was now a mess, hanging over the front of his dark brown eyes in gooey clumps. He carefully bent down to pick up the now soggy chopsticks, straws, and notepad.

"Can I take your order?" he asked miserably, pen pointed readily over the top of the small book.

Jason broke his glare from Percy's and looked up at the drenched waiter. He gave a quizzical look, before ordering. "I'd like some fried pork, chicken, and beef dumplings. Oh and some steamed vegetable and shrimp ones. But don't forget the pork sticky bun." With a satisfying smirk aimed at Percy, he leaned back against the booth, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yes sir."

"I'll have the same." Percy said. "Just double all the steamed dumplings." He raised his water glass to his lips.

"Of course"

"You know what?" Jason said, sitting up quickly and pointing a sharp chopstick at Zack's face. "Just double my entire order."

Percy started to choke and Annabeth started patting him on the back.

"Oh…okay. No problem."

He started crossing off 'ones' and replacing them with 'twos' when Percy finally cleared his throat and croaked, "You can triple mine."

"Oh, but sir-"

"Wait! Quadruple mine!"

"No! You've got it all wrong Zack! You're supposed to five-iple mine!"

"Oh oh okay. I'm sorry."

"What? That isn't even a number…Look, Percy just get five orders and Jason get four. We won't need anymore dumplings, plus Percy will just end up eating more than Jason." Annabeth tried to explain, while Zack frantically scrambled to cross out and write in new numbers.

"What does that mean, Chase?" Piper shot at her, placing her hands on her hips and glaring at Annabeth with as much anger as Piper could muster. "You trying to say that your boyfriend is a better dumpling eating?"

Annabeth shooed a hand at Piper. "Of course that's what I'm saying. Percy is the Dumpling _King_," she said proudly, looking up at her boyfriend's smirking face.

"This. Means. War."

* * *

"Percy eat faster!"

"I'm going..."  
"Jason why are you slowing down? You _better_ not be slowing down!"

"Aughhhh..."

"Zack we need more dumplings!"

"Percy stop being such a baby and keep eating! Do you _want_ to be known as the demigod who couldn't keep his dumplings down?"

"No!"

"Jason, baby, just keep eating. You can do it. Keep eating. Don't stop until I tell you to."

"Yes, of course, yes."

"Hey! You can't use charm speak!"

"Oh, I just did."

"More dumplings here!"

"_No_, more dumplings _here_!"

"Perseus Jackson if you don't win this competition I will not kiss you for a week! Fine a day! But keep eating or else I'll send you to Tartarus!"

"ZACHARY WHERE ARE HIS VEGETABLE DUMPLINGS?"

"NO ZACK WE NEED MORE PORK DUMPLINGS!"

"ZACK!"

"ZACK!"

"HURRY UP ZACHARY!"

"GODS ZACK MOVE FASTER!"

Jason and Percy were turning as green as the vegetable dumplings they were eating. Percy's cheeks were so puffed up with food that he looked like a baby chipmunk. When food started falling down his chin and onto his plate, Annabeth was there to catch it and forcefully shove it back into his already-full mouth. Jason's eyes were screaming for help as Piper reached for more dumplings off a random stranger's plate and then force-fed them down his throat. She tried soothing him with charmspeak, but even _that_ couldn't stop Jason from gagging.

Worst of all was Zack.

The poor boy was running around like crazy, balancing numerous plates of his shoulders, arms, hands, and head. He even once came hopping out the kitchen, carefully balancing a plate of shrimp dumplings on his left leg. He was sweating profusely, which was evident from the large, dark stains underneath his armpits. His hair was a mixture of sweat, water, and most likely tears, which he kept wiping off his face as he dashed in and out of the kitchen under the girls' demanding orders. After what felt like five hours of running around, Zack made his final stop at the table with only _one dumpling_.

"I-I-I'm s-s-sorry, but this is all we have left," he said in a wheezing breath, while placing the dish down with a shaky hand right between the two girls. "I'll go get the c-c-check."

Annabeth and Piper scowled at each other over the single, pale dumpling. It sat forlornly in the middle of the table, taunting both of them. Both girls had not eaten a single bite of their own food since the war had started, but that didn't matter right now. The boys were exactly tied. For Annabeth, Percy _had _to eat the last dumpling. For Piper, it was Jason.

Meanwhile, neither of the boys could even bear to look at the dumpling.

"Percy eat the dumpling now," Annabeth ordered.

"No, that's Jason's dumpling," Piper sneered. "Jason. Eat. It. Now."

Both boys groaned loudly in their respected corners of the booth.

"Eat."

"It."

"Now."

"Percy."

"Jason."

Percy lifted his shaking arm towards the plate. Jason barely lifted his head as he blindly reached for the _last dumpling_. As both boys were just about to grab it, Zack's hand came out of nowhere and scooped it in his mouth. Annabeth and Piper's mouths dropped, horrified that their waiter, _their Zack_, had eaten the winning dumpling. Jason and Percy both slammed their heavy heads against the table, tired and full beyond belief.

"Here's your check." Zack slammed it on the table. "Oh, and never come back."

Annabeth snatched the check off the table, scanning it carefully. Turning green herself, she passed it to Piper who looked horrified after seeing the grand total.

"Hey boys?" Annabeth said with a shaky breath. She reached over and shook Percy on the shoulder and Piper did the same to Jason. All they got was another chorus of groans in response. "You better get ready because we have a lot of dishes to start cleaning."


End file.
